Calvin and Hobbes: The Show
by calvinhobbes1010
Summary: This would be it if Calvin and Hobbes were to have a show on Nick. RR PLEASE!
1. The Calvin and Hobbes Theme Song

The Calvin and Hobbes Theme Song:

(Calvin and Hobbes walk to a record player in a blank room.)

(Calvin starts the record player and Baby Got Back song starts playing. Calvin looks at the screen.)

Calvin: Woops. Sorry, kids. Wrong music.

(Calvin flips the record disk to the other side and starts the player. NOW The Calvin and Hobbes Theme Song starts playing. Calvin and Hobbes start doing a dumb dance.)

Man in background: Did you ever watch TV all morning and be hyperactive all day? Did you ever cream somebody with a water balloon in the summer or a snowball in the winter? Didn't you ever get bad grades in school? If you didn't...THEN YOU WILL!

(Then it goes through some short animations of "Calvin and Hobbes: The Show" episodes)

Kids in background (singing): Calvin and Hobbes! Calvin and Hobbes! Calvin, Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes! Calvin and Hobbes!

Calvin (singing): Naughtiness, funniness, hilariousness,

Kids in background: Calvin and Hobbes!

Hobbes (singing): Smelling dead flowers, killing flowers, half-an-hour

Kids in background: Calvin and Hobbes! (Starts singing) There's nothing funnier than Calvin and Hobbes. There's nothing funnier than Calvin and Hobbes.

(Goes back to the blank room Calvin and Hobbes are in)

Kids in background (signing) Calvin, Calvin, Calvin...and Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobbes. CALVIN AND HOBBES!

(Calvin and Hobbes scream and run off. Susie runs by with a hose. Then the words "Produced and released by Bill Watterson" appear in red Calvin and Hobbes font.)

Narrator: We'll be right back.

(No commercials. Sorry. TV only.)

Narrator: Now back to the show.


	2. Go, Boy Racer

Calvin: VROOM! VROOM! Boy racer and his assistant, Tiger Racer, race through the dangerous track, following the leader of this race!

Hobbes: Tiger Racer swipes the leader's car and it blows up behind them! BOY RACER AND TIGER RACER TAKE THE LEAD!

(Calvin and Hobbes are actually in a cardboard box with a fan in front of them at "HI")

Calvin: They cross the finish line and WIN THE FIRST PLACE TROPHY!

(Calvin gets out and turns the fan off. Hobbes gets out.)

Hobbes: Don't worry. We'll be able to drive a REAL go-kart one day.

Calvin: Yeah.

(That night, Calvin and Hobbes were watching "Speed Racer" until Mom came down and told Calvin to get ready for bed. 5 minutes later, Calvin was in the bathtub.)

Calvin: Hobbes, when do you think I'll be able to drive?

Hobbes: Probably when you're 20.

Calvin: Aww, man!

(10 minutes later, Calvin and Hobbes are in bed)

Calvin (yawning): I wish we could drive.

Hobbes (sleepy): Me too.

(An hour later, they were asleep.)

**_

* * *

_**

(The next morning Calvin wakes up only to see Hobbes in front of him, having a scary expression on his face.)

Calvin: YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Hobbes: It's Saturday! Let's go watch TV!

Calvin (shocked): N-No Coffee f-for me? Th-Th-Thanks.

(Calvin and Hobbes run downstairs. Calvin is cut off by Mom)

Mom: There you are, sleepyhead. Follow me. I have a surprise for you.

Calvin: OH BOY!

(Calvin follows Mom to the garage. The surprise was…)

Calvin: A GO-CART! (Cries with joy)

(The go-cart had pictures of Calvin on it. It was called "Boy Racer".)

Calvin (happily): Why did you get me a go-kart?

Mom: Because look at this sheet.

(Calvin takes the sheet of paper and reads it.)

Calvin (reading): "County race. A 2-lap race throughout the county. 3rd, $100. 2nd, 1,000. 1st, 1,000,000?" WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mom: That's right.

Dad: HONEY! I've decided to enter that race.

Mom: Well, dear, you're too late. Calvin just decided to enter that race.

Calvin: Wow. You just read my mind.

Dad: I'm entering that race and that's final!

(Dad's mind starts talking to dad.)

Dad's mind: Don't listen to Calvin! He's a terrible driver! You could win 1st place! You could! You could!

Mom: Calvin. Your father is a great driver. Try and beat him! Which tells me we should start training.

Calvin: How will we?

**_

* * *

_**

Calvin: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Calvin and Mom are at an arcade room at Kristoff's. Calvin is playing a racing game to train for the big race tomorrow.)

Calvin: More tokens?

Mom: Yes.

Calvin: Yeahhh!

**_

* * *

_**

(Calvin and Mom were outside at the driveway with Boy Racer.)

Mom: Now see if you can back out onto the street.

(Calvin did What Mom said.)

Mom: Good job!

**_

* * *

_**

Mom now this is the last time around the neighborhood before bed.

Calvin: MOM!

Mom: Calvin…

Calvin: Oh, alright!

(30 minutes later, Calvin and Hobbes were in bed.)

Hobbes: Good luck with the race tomorrow.

Calvin: Ok, and Hobbes?

Hobbes: Yeah?

Calvin: You're sitting with me in the go-cart.

(They both fall asleep.)

**_

* * *

_**

(Calvin wakes up and he wakes up Hobbes.)

Calvin: Wake up! Today's the big day!

Hobbes: It is!

Calvin (getting his clothes on): Gotta get dressed!

(Calvin runs downstairs. Hobbes follows)

Calvin: Because today is the BIG RACE!

(Calvin runs to the garage. He and Hobbes jump into the go-cart)

Calvin: Keys.

(Hobbes hands Calvin the keys.)

Calvin: You'd better hang on to something.

Hobbes: Why?

(Calvin slammed on the gas pedal and Hobbes was sent into the seat.)

Calvin: That.

Hobbes: STOP!

(Calvin slammed onto the brakes before crashing into the wall. Hobbes was splattered onto the windshield. They both get out of the car and run up to a sign-up person.)

Calvin: Signature for two.

Guy: Sorry, kid. You're too short.

Calvin: What? WHAT?

(The guy pointed to a height sign)

Guy: You have to be this tall to drive like a crazy person.

Calvin: #$#&#&!

Guy: Go away.

(Calvin thought of something. Then he marched away, pretending to be mad. He came back, wearing long rubber legs, covering it with pants.)

Guy: Hey, you're tall enough. You can enter this race.

(Calvin ran off in excitement. He came back again, but he was driving his go-cart. Yes, Hobbes is in it.)

**_

* * *

_**

Guy (from megaphone): 3, 2, 1, GO!

(Everybody's but Calvin's go-cart started driving away.)

Calvin: Why won't my cart start driving?

(Calvin kicks the car, causing it to start. The car drives away really fast, with Calvin hanging on the windshield for dear life. Hobbes saw Calvin on the windshield)

Hobbes: I'll save you, buddy!

(Hobbes opens the windshield. Calvin flies into the driver's seat.)

Calvin: Let's take the shortcut!

(Calvin drives into a wall, crashing trough it. A minute later, they already flew over a barnyard and are already back on the road. Calvin sees a lady.)

Calvin: Hey madam', TAKE THIS!

(Calvin crashes into the lady's car, causing it to blow up. As Calvin crashes into other go-carts, the song "Mute City" from Super Smash Brothers Melee starts playing. Calvin inches closer to Dad's go-cart.)

Calvin: Dad, take THIS!

(Calvin slams into Dad's go-cart. Calvin's and Dad's go-cart cross the finish line.)

Guy (from megaphone): FINAL LAP!

Calvin: Hobbes, watch my rubber legs.

(Calvin gets his rubber legs on the steering wheel and jumps into Dad's cart, taking his glasses and jumps back into his go-cart.)

Dad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! My glasses!

(Dad slams the brakes. When Calvin saw through the mirror, he could see Dad's go-cart get smaller and smaller. Hobbes looks at the windshield. He could see destroyed cars and drivers floating down in parachutes.)

Dad: Luckily I brought spare glasses.

(Dad puts the spare glasses on)

Hobbes: THERE'S THE FINISH LINE!

(Before the car could cross the finish line, the car stopped. It was out of gas.)

Calvin: WAHHHHHHHHHH! We'll be last place! We won't get a PENNY!

(Calvin could see cars coming closer.)

Calvin: WAHHHHHHHHHHH!

(The cars are coming closer.)

Calvin: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Hobbes starts wailing with Calvin.)

C&H: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Then Dad's car accidentally shunted into Calvin's go-cart, making it move to the finish line.)

Guy: CALVIN WINS!

(Calvin was crying with joy as downpours of money landed on him. On newspapers, it has a headline of Calvin's 1st place win.

**_

* * *

_**

(Calvin got so much money, he had to carry it by a freight train, 100 cars with $10,000 in each.)

Hobbes: What will we do with this grand of money?

Calvin: I don't know.

Hobbes: I don't either.

Calvin: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...WAIT! I've got just the thing!

**_

* * *

_**

(At the movies, Rosalyn and Charlie are paying for their tickets to go ona date.)

Rosalyn: Two tickets for Fantastic 4, please.

Guy: Sorry, it's reserved for two people.

Rosalyn: WHAT? For who?

(Calvin and Hobbes are watching Fantastic 4 while eating popcorn and candy and drinking soda.)

Calvin: This is the life, huh, Hobbes?

Hobbes: Yeah.


	3. The Insane Magician

(Calvin is in his backyard, doing a magic show with an audience that has only Hobbes)

Calvin: I shall now turn this Susie decoy into poop!

(He covers the Susie decoy with a red repel cape. A Duplicate sneaks behind the decoy and replaces it with 5 day old poop. Calvin removes the cape.)

Calvin: TA DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Then it shows a close-up view of the poop while playing the "Psycho" music)

Hobbes: Calvin, you've shown me this trick a million times.

Calvin: You're correct on guessing the next trick: The Grand Finale! I shall make this statue of the number "1,000,000" disappear!

(Hobbes was gone)

Calvin: Hobbes? Aww, man! He didn't even let me finish the grand finale!

(Calvin goes to his room, where Hobbes is.)

Calvin: Hobbes! Didn't I tell you to NOT READ MY COMIC BOOKS?

Hobbes: Yes. (Hides the comic book behind his back)

Calvin: It's no use. We'll never get money with a magic show.

(Hobbes is staring out the window)

Hobbes: Or will we?

Calvin: What?

(Hobbes points to a poster on a telephone poll.

Calvin: "Wanna be a magician? Well, if you sign up for a magic show next week, it could be your chance of being a complete magician." Well, what are you saying? LET'S GO!

(Calvin and Hobbes are at the Magic Show building to sign up for the show.)

Calvin: Signature for two.

Man: Sorry, kid. You have to 10 or older to be in the magic show.

Calvin: WHAT?

Man: You're too young. Go away.

Calvin: First, I was too short to be in the race last month, NOW, I'm too young to be in the magic show! IT'S NOT FAIR! Know what? I'm actually 16, but I haven't changed yet!

Man: Nice try. Get out.

(Calvin leaves and comes back with a gun.)

Calvin: SIGN ME UP OR I'LL SHOOT YOU!

Man: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGHHH! OK! I'll sign you up!

(The sign up man signed up Calvin's and Hobbes' name. Calvin and Hobbes leave.)

Hobbes: Is that a real gun?

Calvin: No.

(Calvin triggers it and instead of a bullet, a dart plunger came out.)

Hobbes: It's your dart gun.

Calvin: Yeah, only the brainless ones find it as a real gun. We should start training for the magic show next week, become magicians, and get rich.

Hobbes: Yeah, but how will we train.

(Hobbes was a Calvin dumb magic show again. Hobbes groans.)

Calvin: I shall…

(Hobbes cut cuts Calvin)

Hobbes: Why can't we use the transmogrifier gun to turn stuff into other things?

Calvin: Continuing…I shall turn Susie into poop with the Transmogrifier gun.

Hobbes: You used my idea. Yay.

Mom: Wha…CALVIN! NO!

(Mom rushed to Calvin. She just saw Calvin with a gun and is about to shoot Susie dead. That's just what Mom thinks. Her eye pupils were embers and all her blood was up to her face.)

Mom (growling): Calvin.

Calvin (nervously): Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…Hi, Mom. Why, look at the time. I should be going now.

(The next thing Calvin knew, he was in his room. He wasn't allowed out of his room until Sunday.)

Calvin: Some mom SHE is.

Hobbes: Yeah. Your Mom thought you were going to kill Susie with a gun.

Calvin: Yeah.

Hobbes: I liked it when you were going to use my idea.

Calvin: Yeah. I thought that we should really turn stuff into other things. And know what?

Hobbes: What?

Calvin: I'm gonna use this new improved Time Machine gun to make stuff disappear.

(Until Sunday, Calvin and Hobbes trained for the magic show. On Sunday, Calvin was free. They were on their way to the magic show.)

Calvin: Hobbes?

Hobbes: Yeah?

Calvin: Will we really get rich?

Hobbes: Think so.

(Calvin was behind the curtains of the stage.)

Calvin: Ok, Hobbes. When the magician says our names, we run through the curtains and do our magic trick.

Hobbes: Got it.

Magician: Please put you hand up for CALVIN AN HOBBES!

(When Calvin bursts trough with Hobbes, there was silence.)

Calvin: I shall make this Susie decoy DISSAPEAR!

(There was still silence. Hobbes, who is hidden, takes the decoy. Calvin removes the red cape.)

Calvin: TADA!

(There was booing)

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Calvin marches back in the curtains as food was splattered on him.)

Calvin: HOBBES!

Hobbes: Yeah?

Calvin: You ruined my show!

Hobbes: So?

Calvin: So this is war!

(Before Calvin could punch Hobbes, the magician said…)

Magician: And the winner is…CALVIN AND HOBBES!

(There was booing.)

Guy (in audience): THEY STINK!

Magician: So? Our new magicians are Calvin and Hobbes. So they win money.

Calvin: YEEEEEEEEEEAAAHHH!

(The next thing they knew they were pulling a wheel barrel full of money)

Hobbes: We're going to spend our money on what we want, right?

Calvin: Right.

Hobbes: What can we do with the money?

Calvin: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…

* * *

(Calvin's parents were getting abducted by Galaxoid and Nebular) 

Galaxoid: Thanks for your parents and money, Earth Potentate.

Calvin: You're welcome.

(Galaxoid and Nebular fly away with Calvin's parents)

Calvin: We'll have a better life NOW, Hobbes.

Hobbes: Yeah, without your parents bossing us around.


	4. Comercial Break 1

Narrator: We'll be right back.

* * *

Commercial#1 

Calvin: Have you ever got kissed by a girl and hated it? Well, if you join G.R.O.S.S, **_G_**et Rid **_O_**f **_S_**limy Girl**_S_**, you would never, EVER be kissed by a girl again.

Boy#1: When I joined G.R.O.S.S, girls hated me and they never kiss me again.

Boy#2: Same with me.

Boy#3: Me, too.

Calvin: If YOU join G.R.O.S.S, girls would hate YOU, and YOU would hate them more.

* * *

Comercial#2 

(Calvin is at a grocery store)

Calvin: Haven't you eaten a cereal that's healthy for you? If you did, forget about them! Try Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs!

(Kids are cheering)

Calvin: They are so loaded of sugar, if you eat even ONE bowl, you'll go CRRRRRAAAZZZY!

(Cuts to a kid going crazy)

Calvin: Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs! Get one today!

* * *

Commercial#3 

(A kid is sitting in a room, bored)

Kid: I'm bored. There's nothing to do.

(Calvin jumps into the room, going crazy)

Calvin: Then why won't you play CALVINBALL!

Kid: What's Calvinball?

Calvin (wheezing): "What is Calvinball?" (Talks excitedly) Well, first you get a ball (Gets a ball) and everything else (gets everything else).

Kid: Wow! Now I know!

Calvin: Calvinball. Get the equipment today. Includes a rule book, but you'll not need it!

* * *

Commercial#4 

(Calvin and Hobbes are in a blank room)

Calvin: Hi! You seen some of our new show, huh? Well, there is a brand new DVD. It's separated by volumes. If you order, you get laughs from our antics. Enjoy!

Narrator: If you call 500-11-calvin, you could get the first volume of Calvin and Hobbes the show. If you order from the TV, you could volume 2 along with it. You must be 18 or older to call.


	5. You Get 3 Wishes

(Calvin and Hobbes are in the G.R.O.S.S clubhouse, with a meeting in progress.)

Calvin: The **_G_**et **_R_**id **_O_**f **_S_**limy **_G_**irls will come to order. President and First Tiger Hobbes will review the minutes of the last meeting.

Hobbes: Thank you. "9:00: First Tiger Hobbes reads previous club minutes. 9:01: Dictator-for-life Calvin preaches the existence of girls. 9:03: First Tiger Hobbes decides that Susie will join G.R.O.S.S. Dictator-for-life Calvin disagrees. 9:04: We argue. 9:05: Dictator punches First Tiger in the stomach, which started a big fight. 9:15: We stop fighting and make a plan to drench Susie with water balloons. 9:20: The plan was a success, but Susie ratted on us and Mom started chasing Calvin. 9:45: Mom finally catches Calvin. He is not allowed outside for two days. The next day: Dictator-for-life Calvin is free. We start making more G.R.O.S.S plans."

Calvin: Thank you! Our plan today is to drench Susie with water balloons.

Hobbes: You were grounded last time, remember?

Calvin: Oh yeah...our REAL plan today is to get Susie with water pistols filled with spit.

Hobbes: That'll work.

(Calvin and Hobbes JUMPED OUT of the tree house. Calvin crashed headfirst into the ground)

Hobbes: CALVIN! Are you okay?

Calvin (muffling): Yes. Probably a minor head concussion.

(Calvin poked his head out of the ground. When he and Hobbes went to get water balloons, something caught their attention)

Calvin: Wow! A 70s store!

(The was a store which had stuff 70s people used. Calvin and Hobbes go into the shop.)

Calvin: Everything in here is from the 70s, Hobbes.

Hobbes: Woooooooow.

(Calvin and Hobbes find the same subject of every product)

Calvin (looking at products): Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Everything here is based on "Peace"! It makes me sick!

Hobbes: Yeah, all except this.

(Hobbes was pointing to a blue lava lamp)

Calvin: Hmmmmmmmmm... okay, that'll do.

(Calvin and Hobbes go to the paying desk to buy the lava lamp)

70s man: That'll be $150 for the lava lamp.

Calvin: WHAT? I DON'T HAVE $150! Wait a minute... yes I do.

(Calvin puts Monopoly money on the desk)

70s man: Nice try. Go put it back.

(Calvin thought of something)

Calvin: Reserve this. I'll be right back.

(Calvin rushes back to his house. He put a $10 bill in the Duplicator. He sets the new number dial to 15 and he now has $150. He sonic booms back to the store. He slams the money on the desk)

Calvin: THERE! Happy now?

70s man: Yes. Here's you lava lamp.

(The 70s man hands Calvin the lava lamp. He and Hobbes run back home. Once they got to Calvin's room, they were observing it)

Calvin: Wow! This is great! An actual 70s lamp! (Finds some dirt) Hmmmm, it appears that there is dirt on this.

(Calvin rubs the lava lamp. A purple tornado came out of it. When it cleared moments later, a genie came into sight)

Genie: Hello there, young man.

Hobbes: Who are you?

Genie: Me? Well I'm Mr. Wish. I'm a very wishful genie.

Calvin: I've heard that if someone rubs a lamp and a genie comes out, you get 3 wishes. Is that true?

Mr. Wish: Yes.

Calvin: YEAH!

Hobbes: That's cool!

Mr. Wish: Yup.

Calvin: My first wish: ...Hmmmmmmmmm... I GOT IT! I wish that my imagination was alive!

(Mr. Wish snapped his fingers. All of Calvin's imagination poofed out of nowhere. Wormwood monsters started attacking the town. His alter egos also poofed out of his brain. Stupendous Man saw Miss Wormwood being chased by a hideous creature from Pluto)

Stupendous Man: There's the Crab Teacher!

(Stupendous Man ran to Miss Wormwood. Spaceman Spiff saw Susie running like a scared jackrabbit)

Spiff: There's "Gurl"!

(Spiff cases Susie. Tracer Bullet saw Calvin's Mom opening the door, looking shocked as she saw the terror)

Tracer Bullet: There's the Dame!

(Tracer chases her with his "unloaded" gun)

Calvin: HA HA HA! Look at the horror and terror. AH! HA HA HA! Stop it, all of you! You're killing me!

(Hobbes wished for something, but Calvin didn't notice because he is dying with laughter)

Hobbes: I wish for a tuna fish sandwich!

(Mr. Wish snapped his fingers. A tuna fish sandwich landed in Hobbes' hands)

Hobbes: SWEET!

Calvin (stops laughing): A tuna sandwich? YOU WISHED FOR A DUMB TUNA FISH SANDWICH! ARRRRRRRGH! YOU WASTED OUR PRECIOUS SECOND WISH FOR A TUNA FISH SANDWICH!

(Calvin and Hobbes were about to fight when Calvin knew another wish.)

Calvin: I WISH ME AND HOBBES WERE THE ONLY SIGHTS OF LIVING REALITY THINGS IN THE UNIVERSE!

(Mr. Wish snapped his fingers. Everyone but Calvin, Hobbes, and Calvin's imagination got sucked into the lava lamp along with Mr. Wish)

Calvin: YAYYYYYYY! WE GOT THE WHOLE UNIVERSE TO OURSELVES!

(Everyone else was cheering. While Calvin's imagination was replacing the citizens of town, Calvin and Hobbes were watching TV, eating cookies for every meal, and having fun.)

Calvin: Boy, that was fun!

Hobbes: Yeah. I wonder where the people are.

Calvin: I don't know.

* * *

(In the lava lamp, everyone that was in the town were floating in a purple substance)

Mr. Wish: C'mon you guys! This is fun!

(Everyone glared at him)

Mr. Wish: Uh, oh.

* * *

(Calvin and Hobbes were playing Calvinball)

Calvin: This is fun, eh, Hobbes?

Hobbes: Yeah!

(Then Calvin's imagination disappeared. Hobbes morphed back into a stuffed tiger as everyone glared at Calvin)

Calvin (nervously): Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...hi, everybody. How did you get here?

(Mr. Wish whistled in his lava lamp)

Calvin: Why, look at the time. My favorite TV show is on.

(Calvin ran for his life. The next thing he knew, he was in his room)

Hobbes: Wow. You're allowance is gone until you're 30 and you're grounded for 4 months. That's a big punishment.

Calvin: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Mr. Wish is mean!

Hobbes: Well, if you didn't wish for mean things, this wouldn't happen!

Calvin: I wished nice wishes!

(Calvin and Hobbes started arguing. Then they started fighting)


	6. Calvin: The Scary Kid

(It was the week before Halloween. Calvin and Hobbes were decorating the house so scary for their "Operation ((S.C.A.R.E Spooky Calvin Acres Runs Easley))". Calvin's parents were at the mall, finding the right costume for them. The house was very scary. It had a headless guy with ketchup, used for fake blood, all over where his head used to be on the porch. His head was on the font step. Next to the headless guy was a graphic-like zombie with a fake ketchup stained ax. A fake graveyard was held in the backyard with fake zombies rising from their dead. A realistic witch was attached to the roof. A mini-fake graveyard was held in the front lawn of the house. Calvin and Hobbes are already done. This feels like Calvin's parents are up for a scary surprise)

Calvin (laughing): This is great! It'll scare Mom and Dad out of their minds!

Hobbes (giggling): I'm scared already!

(Calvin rang the doorbell. Instead of an everyday doorbell ring, it howled)

Calvin: Werewolf Doorbell...

(He turns on the radio that's next to the headless guy. Music from the "Midnight Syndicate: Realm of Shadows" CD starts playing)

Calvin: ...horror music...

(He turns on the new stereo in the living room The family got a stereo last Christmas, turned it up all the way, and sounds of a black shadow talking and ghostly echoes fill the area of the house)

Calvin: ...scary sound effects, and we're done!

Hobbes: We've been done for 5 minutes.

Calvin: Look! Mom and Dad are coming back!

(Indeed. Calvin's parents were returning from the mall)

Mom and Dad: Hi, Calvin. We're home from the ma-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

(They just saw the house. Dad accidentally crashed the car to the garage)

Mom: CALVIN!

Calvin: HAHAHA! Hobbes! Look at this! (Stops laughing) Hobbes?

(Hobbes was gone. Calvin was suddenly in his room before he could call Hobbes)

Hobbes (laughing): You should of seen the expression on their faces when they got you!

Calvin: Yeah, they didn't look very happy.

Mom and Dad: CALVIN! GET DOWN HERE!

(Calvin went downstairs)

Calvin: Yeah?

Mom: We would like to have a talk about your punishment. Your father and I have went to the Derkins' house and discussed about your past years of trick-or-treating.

Calvin: So?

Mom: So we decided that your punishment for your so-called "Operation S.C.A.R.E" is that you will not go trick-or-treating this Halloween.

(Calvin's lower jaw dropped to the ground)

Calvin: WHY?

Dad: Here's what you did last year.

(Flashes back to the last time Calvin went trick-or-treating)

Calvin: GIVE ME ALL YOUR CANDY!

(Every kid in the neighborhood was giving Calvin their Halloween candy)

Calvin: HA! HA! HA! HA!

(Flashback ends. We see Calvin arguing with Mom and Dad. Then Calvin was in his room)

Hobbes: You can't go trick-or-treating? Oh, you poor little man!

Calvin: I've got a plan.

(Calvin was whispering to Hobbes. Then they heard the werewolf doorbell howl, laughing, and the word "Trick-or-treat!" from their front door. Calvin went downstairs to investigate. He saw kids in costumes and Dad giving them treats. He ran back upstairs to Hobbes with an evil grin on his face. There was a brief moment of silence. Then Calvin spoke)

Calvin: Showtime.

(Calvin made a rope out of the bed covers, rolled it out the window and climbed down to the bottom. Hobbes was still trying to get down)

Calvin: C'mon, Hobbes! Are you EVEN "animal of the jungle"!

Hobbes (nervously): Cats are scared of heights.

Calvin: I'll FORCE you down!

(Calvin pulled the "rope" and Hobbes came tumbling down along with it)

Hobbes: You are so lucky you parents didn't hear that crash. Do you have you costume and candy bag, Einstein?

Calvin: Yes. What do you think I am? A brainless dad?

Hobbes: Yes.

Calvin: Never mind!

(Calvin put on his costume, which was a simple ghost Yes, the costume was a white blanket with two holes cut into it. Calvin and Hobbes went to the Derkins' house. Calvin rings the door bell.)

Calvin: TRICK-OR-TREAT!

(Mr. Derkins was wearing a werewolf costume)

Mr. Derkins: ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Calvin: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

(Mom and Dad caught Calvin screaming. He was back in his room)

Calvin: I can't believe it! Mr. Derkins outscared me! I'll try to outscare HIM!

Hobbes: That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

Calvin ("I think this is a brilliant idea"): C'mon, Hobbes! How hard can it be?

Hobbes: First, you have to find a scary Halloween costume. Then, you have to put it on.

Calvin: How could putting on a costume be hard?

Hobbes: Finally, you have to try to scare somebody.

Calvin: Hey, Hobbes! I thought of a great night to scare a VARIETY of people out of their skins! My school is gonna' throw a Halloween party on the holiday. There are gonna' be TONS of people there to scare!

Hobbes: Ugggghh...

(Calvin and Hobbes snuck out of the house. Hobbes was furious because of Calvin's Halloween idea. Then, when they were far from Mom or Dad's sense of sound, they stated running down to the mall downtown. They pushed through the doors. Then they saw the shopping heaven)

Hobbes: OOH! OOH! Let's go to the Rainforest Café!

Calvin: Hobbes, we're only here for my costume. Nice try!

Hobbes: Awww, man!

Calvin: We'll have a little lunch.

(After eating pizza, they continued on. At last, the reached the Halloween store)

Hobbes: Ugh, this store gives me the willies.

Calvin: C'mon, Hobbes!

(Calvin drug Hobbes to the Halloween store)

Hobbes: NO! NO! NO! I'm NOT going in there!

(Everyone else saw Calvin just dragging a stuffed tiger yelling what Hobbes said in his line above)

Hobbes: Ooooooooooooggg...

(Calvin was looking at the scary people section. Calvin has already spent 3 hours in the store)

Calvin: I don't know what I want...I'll buy one of each

(Calvin bought one of every scary people costume using fake realistic money. It was hard for him. They rushed home. Sneaking through the area of Calvin's house)

Calvin: Wow! Look at all these!

Hobbes: Let me guess: We're gonna test all of them

Calvin: You just read my mind.

(It took so many attempts, it would be too long for me to tell you. I will tell just this: They failed EVERY attempt. Finally...)

Attempt #150:

(It was the afternoon of Halloween)

Hobbes: Well, we've went over all the costumes but this.

(He holds up a "Demon's Soul" costume)

Calvin: I'm not quite sure...That'll do.

Hobbes: Good.

(It took them 30 minutes to get ready)

Calvin: How do I look? Am I horrifying of WHAT?

(Hobbes' fur stood up)

Hobbes: You really scary!

Calvin: SWEET!

AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hobbes: Let me take care of this.

(Calvin pushed Hobbes aside)

Calvin: No, no. Let ME do it.

(Calvin rushed downstairs. He talked to a few kids in costumes with bags as if he were REALLY a demon's soul)

Calvin: SCRAM! DON'T MAKE ME POSSESS YOUR BODIES!

(The kids screamed and ran to another house. Hobbes came down. Dad was telling Mom that he saw a soul of a demon, but got sent to see a psychologist)

Hobbes: Wow. Even your Dad thinks you are a soul.

Calvin: Yeah, let's go to the school roof and get everything planned out.

Hobbes: Why?

Calvin: The Halloween party?

Hobbes: Oh, yeah.

(Calvin and Hobbes rushed to the school. By the time they were done with the planning out, the Halloween party was in progress. Everyone who wanted to go were all there)

Calvin: Hobbes got the ax ready?

Hobbes: Yup.

(Calvin peeked down. Everyone was having a great time. Susie was walking to Moe)

Susie: Hi there, Moe. I'm a tooth fairy.

Moe (sarcastically): Fascinating.

(We see Calvin and Hobbes again)

Calvin: Ok, Hobbes. Blast the lights out.

Hobbes: Ok.

(Hobbes chopped down a power line with the ax. Since that was the only power line in town, all of its power completely went out. The people in the gym were frightened. Calvin jumped into the gym. A very skinny rope was being used. One half was tied to Hobbes' waist. The other was tied to Calvin's. Hobbes does an evil laugh)

Hobbes: I'm the soul of the most terrifying demon ever! BOOGA! BOOGA! BOOGA! Give me your spirits!

(A bee came. He stung Hobbes' tail. Hobbes got in a frozen position. Then he screamed)

Hobbes: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

(He ran around like crazy. Calvin fell to the ground. Then he went back up. Then he swung throughout the whole gym and stopped up-side down. Everyone was laughing. Calvin's parents burst through the doors)

Mom: CALVIN!

Calvin: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I can explain.

(From outside, you could here screaming and crashing. On November 1, 2005, Calvin was in his room after that. His costume was taken off. The doors were locked and the window glass was replaced with metal. He was very angry)

Calvin: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I'm not allowed to go to another Halloween party, the TV was put in the basement, and I'm grounded for 2 weeks!

Hobbes: I told you your plan wouldn't work.

(Calvin yelled)

Calvin: If you didn't drop me down, everything would have worked perfectly!

Hobbes: A bee stung me! You can't blame me for that!

(Then they argued, started a mini-war, and argued some more)

Hobbes: I'll bet you'll get coal for Christmas!

Calvin: Oh, stuff your mouth with soap! We're done for the day! GOOD NIGHT!

Hobbes: It's noon.

Calvin: Well, it's midnight in China! My energy time is set on Asia time!

(Calvin started sleeping. Then he muffled to himself)

Calvin: This is the worst Halloween of my life.

(Then he was in deep sleep. That ended this scary Halloween special)


	7. House of Horrors Part 1

calvinhobbes1010: Since the script form is harder to write, I've decided to move on to normal story form (like Swing123's Calvin and Hobbes: The Series). Hope you enjoy the Halloween Special!

The House of Horrors 

Summary: Calvin and Hobbes try to build a haunted house as a scheme to get money.

The date is October 30, 2007.

We see Earth's western hemisphere facing away from the sun and off into deep space.

We zoom into North America.

Then we see the United States.

We continue our journey into Ohio.

We finally zoom in on a yellow, 2-story house.

We peer into the window and see a blond, spiked-hair, 6-year old boy watching Halloween, an R rated movie about a crazy guy killing people on said holiday.

His name was Calvin.

"Wow, did you see that girl's guts fly everywhere?!" Calvin said with awe, watching the part where Michael Myers, the main killer, murders his sister.

A tiger was sitting next to him

"Calvin, that's disgusting!" said the tiger.

"Hobbes, you know 'R' stands for 'infants', do you?"

"'Infants' doesn't start with R" Hobbes said.

"Then 'R' stands for 'Railroads'!" Calvin said.

"Sure," said Hobbes, "and one day you'll get a flamethrower"

"Really!?"

"No"

"Darn it!"

"CALVIN! YOU BETTER NOT BE WATCHING AN 'R' RATED MOVIE!" a woman shouted as she came down the stairs in their living room.

"QUICK, HOBBES! Hide everything before Mom comes in!" Calvin yelled.

Hobbes changed the channel from HBO to Cartoon Network and plopped into the couch with Calvin.

Mom walked down the stairs and into the family room where Calvin was.

"Hobbes, I hope Jerry blows up Tom with dynamite again. Oh, hi Mom!" Calvin said as he saw Mom.

"Calvin, were you watching a scary movie again?"

"No," said Calvin, "We were just watching cartoons. Why?"

"I could've sworn I heard some gory sounds from the movie 'Halloween'" Mom said.

"Mom, why would I ever watch such a scary and bloody film like that one!?"

"You seem to do that all the time" said Mom.

"Whatever" Calvin said.

"You were watching 'Halloween'"

"NO! I mean, it was Hobbes' idea! He wanted to see gory films so he can see how tasty blood is!"

"Calvin, you expect me to believe that your stuffed tiger changed the channel to that movie for sick kicks".

"Ummmmmmmm…I got nothing".

"Calvin, you're grounded" Mom said.

"WHAT!? Just for seeing that movie!?" Calvin yelled.

"Go upstairs to your room now" Mom said.

"But-"

"Now"

"Bu-"

"NOW."

"B-"

"Go upstairs now or you'll never see dessert again"

"Righto"

Calvin pounced upstairs.

* * *

"MAN! I can't believe I'm grounded for seeing 'Halloween'!" Calvin shouted in his room the next day.

"Hey, I suggested that we watch Chicken Little, but nooooooooooooo…you said that was 'for mature adults'" Hobbes said.

"Quiet!" Calvin hissed.

"You just wanted to see a movie that's 'for kids'" Hobbes said some more.

"I'm warning you…" Calvin said in a deadly calm.

"'Look at me, I'm Calvin, and I just LOVE getting grounded by my Mom by watching gory R-rated movies!'" Hobbes mocked in a dumb tone.

"Shut up, or you will be desperately searching for your soon-to-be ripped off and missing tail." Calvin growled.

Hobbes covered his mouth.

Calvin heaved a sigh.

"Hobbes, what are we going to do? Today is Halloween and I don't even have a costume for trick-or-treating!"

"I don't know"

"Well, we should think of something!"

"We could always build a haunted house" Hobbes said.

Calvin looked at him with a crazy look.

"You know," he said, "That's a great idea! I'll get the saw and hammer, you get the wood and nails!"

Calvin rushed downstairs.

Hobbes followed.

"Me and my big mouth" Hobbes sighed.

* * *

Calvin raced downstairs and into the garage

Mom spotted him.

"Where are you going?' she said.

"In the garage…" Calvin said.

"You're grounded, remember?"

"Mom, I'm building a haunted house for Halloween! You got a problem with that?"

"You're still grounded"

"Mom, it's not very seasonal out there! It's like you're walking on the surface of the Sun! I could possibly get a heat stroke!"

"Fine, but don't do anything else stupid" Mom said, walking upstairs.

Hobbes came down after overhearing the conversation.

"Gee, even your own MOTHER agrees that your ideas are stupid"

"Shut up" Calvin said, keeping a straight face.

Calvin and Hobbes walked into the garage.

All of Dad's power tools were in there.

"Oh, I forgot to break Dad's power tools so I could get my own!" Calvin yelled.

Hobbes pretended that he just didn't hear that and walked over to them.

"I'll be handling these tools, you handle on getting the wood" Hobbes said.

"WHY!?"

"Because I'm more careful with power tools than you are"

"Hobbes, give me one time when I screwed up with those tools!"

"Hmmmm…"

* * *

It's Flashback Time!

Dad was towering over Calvin like an insane murderer.

Calvin was pointing a powered screwdriver and hammer at Susie, who was badly beating and bruised. She was also crying.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh…hi, Dad…" Calvin said nervously.

"_**CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!**_" Dad hollered.

* * *

Back to Present Day

"Let's just say that you were grounded for 5 months, just for that" Hobbes said.

"Quiet…" Calvin said darkly.

"Anyway, let's get started before the cops, firemen, doctors, FBI, CBS, ABC, FOX, NBC, CSI, and CNN show up to interview your parents about their child's suicide attempt.

Calvin couldn't take it anymore.

He literally pounced on Hobbes.

Hobbes simply stepped over and Calvin crash-landed in the tools.

Hobbes giggled as Calvin dug himself out of the tools.

"Shut up or you die" he growled.

Hobbes calmed down and said:

"Let's get started…my way"

_**To be continued…**_


	8. Naughty, Naughty, Naughty

_calvinhobbes1010: Finally! I got the Christmas 2007 special up before New Year's! Hope you enjoy it!_

**Naughty, Naughty, Naughty**

Summary: Calvin tries to be good for Christmas.

It was December 21, 2007. The sunny, yet rather cold, sky became cloudy and frozen rain containing ice crystals came falling. Then a familiar kid came bursting out the door of a yellow house. That kid was Calvin

"IT'S SNOWING! IT'S SNOWING! IT'S...snowing?"

Calvin imagined an angry Santa and a lump of coal in each wrapped box that was supposed to contain what he wants.

Calvin sighed.

Hobbes comes outside from the back. He walks to Calvin.

"Looks like somebody hates the snow now" Hobbes said

"I DO like the snow, but every time it DOES snow, I'm tempted to plaster Susie Derkins with an icy slush-ball" Calvin said.

"Poor Susie" Hobbes pondered.

"IT'S NOT A FOREGONE CONCLUSION" Calvin yelled

* * *

Later, Calvin and Hobbes were trying to build a snowfort and some demented snowmen.

"Well, it's 4 days until Christmas. So that's four more days of being good" Calvin said.

"Too bad it comes once a year. This year may be your big chance to be good" Hobbes pointed out.

" Yup. This year may be my..." Calvin paused, "Wait a minute, are you're saying I'm always bad!?"

"Well, ummm, that all depends on your sense of soun-OOF!"

Calvin kicked Hobbes in the stomach. Then a little "war" broke out. Susie walked by. She stared at Calvin fighting with a stuffed tiger, sighed, thinking Calvin is weird, and walked away, listening to Calvin's screams of pain. After 5 minutes Calvin suddenly stops

"WAIT! I FORGOT! I HAVE to be good for Santa this year!"

"See, that's why…" Hobbes slaps his mouth.

He thought of Calvin beating him up again. Instead, this happened:

"I know! I do ten spontaneous acts of good will every day until Christmas!" Calvin said.

Hobbes sighs with relief

"That way, I could get what I want...WAIT A MINUTE! I didn't write my Christmas list yet!"

Calvin rushes back to his house. He got a pencil. He went to his homework desk in his room, got paper, and started writing for a while "Run, Run, Rudolph" starts playing in the background. After a while, he stapled his list together, which wasn't the easy part, and showed it to his mom

"Want to read my Christmas list?" Calvin offered.

"All_THAT_!?" Mom asked, confused, staring at the large pile of paper that was stapled in a strange way.

"Hopefully I did not forget to ask for something I want" Calvin thought.

Mom flips through pages of the list. The Christmas list was at least 300, 500, or 1,000 pages long.

"This is in alphabetical order" she pointed out.

"Yeah, and I cross-indexed the accessory item Santa will need to get. I try to help him out"

Mom looks at the first page

"This says 'Volume One'"

"'Atom Bomb' through 'Grenade Launcher'"

"You're going to be one sad little kid on Christmas Morning" Mom sighed.

* * *

30 minutes later, Calvin and Hobbes were walking on a shoveled sidewalk.

"Thanks for help" Calvin said.

"That WAS pretty heavy" Hobbes said, exhausted.

"Those big envelopes can only hold a hundred pages. So that's why I used a cardboard box"

"I hope Santa doesn't throw out his back once he gets the list"

"I'll say. Santa had better been reading my list darn carefully. Last time, I didn't get even half of what I wanted. I've been EXTREMLY good this year"

"What about the Noodle Incident?"

"NOBODY CAN PROVE I DID THAT!"

Calvin and Hobbes are still walking down the sidewalk.

"For my ten spontaneous acts of good will, I will not plaster anybody with a snowball until Christmas has passed" Calvin said.

"Good start" Hobbes agreed.

"Then I'll shovel the driveway for Dad before he gets home"

Calvin paused.

He remembered Dad saying that he'll be home at 7:00 PM.

Calvin looked at his watch.

It was 6:45 PM.

"…Which I'll do now!"

Calvin started doing shoveling the driveway. After 14 minutes, Calvin was done.

"WHEW! One more minute until Dad gets home and I finally finished!"

Hobbes picked up some snow and "accidentally" dropped it on the snow-free driveway.

"Oops, I dropped some snow!" Hobbes called out sarcastically.

Calvin picked up a snowball while Hobbes was laughing and threw it. It missed Hobbes and hit the driveway.

Hobbes noticed this and grabbed a hose and started spraying Calvin with it.

Calvin stared chucking countless snowballs like a broken baseball machine. (Whichever you call it)

After 30 seconds, Calvin and Hobbes tackled each other onto the just-shoveled driveway, which was now covered in snow.

Calvin and Hobbes preformed their basic fighting skills (AKA: punching, kicking, biting, etc.).

The snow become messed up and most of the ice on the driveway was exposed.

On cue, Dad drove into the driveway.

"Hi Cal-WAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dad screamed as the car went into a spin on the ice and crashed into the house, leaving a hole

Calvin and Hobbes were still fighting.

"Fuzzface!" Calvin yelled.

"Oatmeal face!" Hobbes yelled.

"Fleabag!"

"Static-Electricity moron!"

"Furball!"

"CALVIN!"

Calvin looked up.

He saw Dad angrily towering over him.

"Uh…hi Dad…"

Calvin ended up in his room shortly after.

"What a grouch" he growled.

* * *

**December 22, 2007:**

Calvin was now shoveling the SIDEWALK.

"I can't believe you got me in trouble!" yelled Calvin, "Thanks a lot, Hobbes! Now I have to shovel the sidewalk to make up for the driveway!"

"On the bright side, you'll make up for the good you missed" Hobbes said.

"Yeah, and I'll have to do another act of good will!"

"Of course" Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

Moe walked up to Calvin.

"Aw, isn't Twinky shoveling the sidewalk on the snowiest day on record?" Moe teased.

"Shut up or you die" Calvin growled at him.

"Oooooh, Twinky's threatening me. I'm sooooo scared"

"I'm warning you…"

"OK, I expose myself to your harmful self" Moe said, hilariously holding himself in front of Calvin.

"OK, YOU BIG APE! YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

Calvin picked up a slush-ball and chucked it at Moe.

Unfortunately, Moe dodged it and the shush-ball hit Susie.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" she shrieked.

"Well, since now's the time for your daily beating and I'm too exhausted to punch the lights out of you, I'll leave Susie to take care of you daily beating" Moe yawned.

Moe left.

Calvin stared at Susie, who was charging at him like a bull who just saw a wall of red.

Calvin tried to run, but Susie caught up to him and tackled him headfirst into the snow.

To be sure Calvin stays down there, Susie jumped on his groin repeatedly and ran to her house to tell on Calvin.

Calvin remained there in pain.

"Santa's going to skip this block for years" he muttered to himself.

* * *

**December 23, 2007:**

Well, I've successfully got myself into trouble again, and I wasn't allowed out of the house for the whole afternoon." Calvin said in his room.

"Harsh" Hobbes said.

"Hey, YOU'RE the one who got the snowball rolling in the first place!" Calvin yelled.

"Me? I fail to see how this is my fault"

"You're kidding, right? You dropped the snow on the driveway and started a fight. If it weren't for YOU, I would have been Mr. Goody Two-Shoes for the entire December!"

Calvin gasped.

"OH MY GOSH! I FORGOT TO DO THE 10 SPONTANIOUS ACTS OF GOOD WILL FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS AND I'VE GOT TO DO THEM TODAY!!" he hollered.

Calvin dashed out of his room.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

(The song "Wizards In Winter" starts playing.)

Calvin ran outside at 8:00 PM

He dashed down the snow-covered streets as fast as he could.

He got to Wal-Mart faster than the speed of sound.

Almost literally.

Calvin plowed right into the store and bought something that he thought would make a good Christmas present for his parents.

For Mom, a DVD copy of the movie "Independence Day". For Dad, a brochure for a new car, which Calvin found somewhere on the ground.

Don't ask.

When Calvin got home, he offered to help Dad with decorating the Christmas tree.

This shocked Dad, but he accepted.

As Calvin was putting ornaments on, he failed to notice the star on top falling off.

Mom caught it in a nick of time.

Dad asked Calvin about the star.

After that, Calvin decided to help on bake cookies.

Everything was going well until Calvin forgot about the cookies and left to watch a movie.

The cookies became burnt.

When Mom asked Calvin about this, Calvin said that it was cold out and Santa would prefer "hot" cookies.

Calvin offered to finish decorating the house, prepare dinner, actually eat his meal, go to bed at the decent hour, avoid throwing snowballs the next day, etc.

As the 30 Acts are going on, we fast forward until we get a mental explosion out of Calvin.

* * *

**December 24, 2007:**

Calvin literally threw himself onto his bed the next morning.

"30 SPONTANIOUS ACTS OF GOOD WILL FINISHED IN ONE NIGHT" he wheezed, "I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT ANYMORE"

"Well you have 10 more Acts to go" Hobbes, who just happened to be next to Calvin, said.

"I SAID I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

Calvin almost strangled Hobbes, but he heard a voice.

A female voice.

A female voice humming "Frosty The Snowman"

Susie Derkins.

Calvin immediately ran outside.

Hobbes sighed.

"His permission for gifts is doomed"

* * *

Calvin dashed into the snow and started to make a snowball.

A devil Calvin appeared to his left.

"Hey, Calvin!" the devil Calvin said, "Susie's asking for it. Smack her senselessly with that snowball you've got there"

Calvin lifts his arm as you would if you were throwing something. Calvin was about to throw the snowball when an angel Calvin appeared.

You get what is going on?

"Don't do it Calvin! Susie has never done anything to you" the angel Calvin said.

"He's being a suck-up. Plaster Susie!" Devil Calvin said.

"Do what's right. Do what's in your heart" Angel Calvin said.

Calvin thought for a moment.

Then he shoved Devil and Angel Calvin away.

"Get away from me!" he ordered, "I'm under enough pressure already! I make my own decisions WITHOUT PRESSURE!"

Both conscious Calvins did a salute and poofed away.

Calvin continued thinking about if he should hit Susie or not.

* * *

Angel Calvin arrived in Heaven.

God was waiting for him.

"Well, Calvin said that he will make his own decisions" Angel Calvin reported.

"That's okay" God said, "At least Calvin is allowed to make his own choices"

"I wonder what your rival is doing to my evil twin now?" Angel Calvin pondered.

* * *

The Devil was strangling Devil Calvin.

"YOU IDIOT!!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM DO WHAT YOU TOLD HIM TO DO!!" the Devil roared.

"Cheer up, dude" Devil Calvin said in a high voice, "It's almost Christmas"

* * *

Back to Calvin.

He kept thinking.

Then he growled.

He chucked his snowball at…………………………………

…a nearby tree.

Calvin started screaming at the tree.

"Calvin!" Mom called, "I hate to interrupt your screaming at inanimate objects, but we have to go to Church."

"Ok I'll be there in a minute." Calvin replied.

So Calvin walked into the house. Then, he had an idea and ran quickly up the stairs and into his room.

"Ok Calvin," he said to himself. "I'll get the old Santa suit that is in the closet. After church, there will be a Santa to ask the kids what they want. When he is off duty I will take over and when Susie comes I'll give her this." Calvin said holding up a stick.

Hobbes overheard and went in the room.

"Calvin," Hobbes began. "That is the worst plan ever. 3 reasons for it. #1 you're to short to be Santa #2 you don't have white hair or a beard and #3 what in the world is that?"

"Oh this is a shrink ray, but it is no ordinary shrink ray. It backfires every time you use it. So when I give this to Susie, she'll try it and it will hit her and her parents won't find her so she won't get any presents. Plus I have stilts and a white wig and beard to go with the costume."

"Why do I even bother?" Hobbes said smacking himself.

Then, Calvin got in the car and they drove to church.

When they got there, his family sat down in a pew and prayed and Calvin prayed that his plan would work.

Then, mass began and since Calvin's church does things differently they started with the "Our Father."

He was thinking about his plan so much he forgot the words and started speaking what he was thinking and said.

"Our Father, let me give Susie the shrink ray to back fire and to hit her this Christmas Eve. Let no one find out that I'm the one who's going to be the fake Santa Clause or my plan will fail.

As he was saying this both his parents, Hobbes, Mr. And Mrs. Derkins, and Susie were all staring at him. Then Calvin's mom dragged him out of the church by his ear and she started yelling at him.

"Me and my big mouth." He said covering his mouth.

* * *

When they got home, he was sent to his room and then Hobbes said "Man you blew it before the plan even started and you're the one you said it to the whole church."

"Shut up, or I'll strangle you."

"Ok, but admit it you were wrong and I was right."

"Don't push it!" Calvin said strangling Hobbes.

"Ok, Easy!" Hobbes said in a high pitch voice.

Calvin let go of Hobbes

"Hey," Hobbes pointed out, "you said you were going to be GOOD for Christmas"

"Oh, I forgot!"

"Well, it's too late, Santa probably put you on the naughty list already"

"Ok, since I'm getting coal already, I'll probably shrink Susie now!"

"I was just testing!" Hobbes said.

"I'll do after Christmas then. Thank you, Hobbes!"

"Me and my big mouth" Hobbes moaned.

"Calvin! Time for bed!" Dad called.

"Showtime" Calvin said.

"Ok Hobbes, get the cameras and put one by the door, the chimney, and under the Christmas tree. Then, meet me in my room. Break.

"Calvin, this isn't a football play."

"Just do it!" Calvin said trying to forget he said that.

So Calvin went in the bathroom to change and brush his teeth while Hobbes went to set the cameras.

Then, Hobbes went in the room and was looking around for Calvin. Then, Calvin walked in and they both were walking back words and they bumped each other and screamed.

They both said, "I thought you were Santa!" So they started to crack up so loud that down stairs Calvin's mom heard them.

"Go to bed!" She shouted. Then they hopped in the bed and fell asleep.

* * *

**December 25, 2007:**

Hobbes was swimming in a pool of tuna fish.

Whenever he breathes, he inhales at least 2 fish.

Then, Hobbes was surfing on dolphins.

Susie shows up. She was a mermaid in Hobbes' dream.

"Hi, Hobbes!"

Calvin was a vicious, bloodthirsty shark. Then, in their dreams Calvin bites Susie's fish tail, but in reality he bites Hobbes.

"Ow!" he shouted. "What was that for?"

"Sorry. It must have been from my dream." Calvin said so he wouldn't get pounced on.

So Hobbes tried to go back to sleep.

Then, it hit Calvin he realized it was Christmas.

"Hobbes wake up, its Christmas!"

"Yay…" Hobbes said sarcastically, "10 more minutes."

"No way we're going to open presents now!" Calvin demanded.

So he dragged Hobbes out of bed by his tail and shouted in the hall to his parents. "Wake up, it's Christmas!" So he rushed down stairs sat down on the couch with a smile.

Then, his parents walked down the stairs with a tired look on their face and with "bags under their eyes".

So as always Calvin started tearing up the presents, noticing all of it was coal.

But, before he screamed as always, his parents put earmuffs on as if it was an instinct to do it after Calvin opened his presents.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He screamed. Then, he noticed one more present under the tree. He looked at it and saw a tag it said "From Hobbes, To Calvin".

Then, the parents looked at each other in a puzzled look on their face asking each other if they had gotten it for him.

So he tore it open and it was a huge remote. So Calvin squeezed Hobbes to death saying "thank you" about 100 times.

* * *

(Show it in our point of view and Calvin's point of view.)

Then, Calvin rushed upstairs to try it and he pushed the power button, but it didn't work. He pressed it 5 times fast.

"Hobbes, it's not working." Calvin said in disappointment.

"You probably need batteries." Hobbes said.

"Oh." Calvin said in an obnoxious tone.

So he ran down the hall then, Hobbes noticed the remote started to smoke.

"Uh Calvin," Hobbes said in a scared voice.

"Yeah" Calvin answered.

"You'd better come see this."

Then Calvin came back in the room.

"What." He asked.

"Well your remote is smoking."

"I know isn't it cool?"

"No, I mean literally smoking."

"Ha ha you're so funny." Then, Calvin noticed he wasn't kidding.

So Calvin screamed, "RUN FOR IT!" Then, he chucked it out the window and heard a cat screech.

(Cue to slow motion.)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Show the earth with an explosion in the U.S)

"CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom hollered.

**THE END**


End file.
